Saryndippity

Potential

At the begining of Jan. I interviewed for a job in Wausau. They kept telling me they would get back to me, and then never did. Finally, I called them and got an answer. They had offered the position to someone else, but wanted to know if I was interested in a substitute position. Sure, I need the job and pretty much any job will do right now.

Yesterday I went up for my orientation. At one point the women giving me the orientation asked me what I was doing for a job now. I told her I wasn’t really doing anything. (Which isn’t exactly ture. I do have a part-time job.) Anyway, she told me that the place across the street was looking for a full time teacher. She went on to say that she had an extra copy of my resume and asked if i would like one of the copies back. I said sure.

After my orientation I walked across the street. I chatted with the director for a bit. And then filled out an application and left me resume. I should be hearing from her sometime next week to set up a time to go and visit the center. I’m still waiting to hear from Madison. I plan on giving them a call sometime this week. And I should be hearing from Point by the end of this week.

I’ll continue looking, but I hope that something will turn up soon. *crosses fingers*

Not Where I Thought I Would Be

People have asked me. “If you could go back and change something in your life, would you?” My answer has always been, “No, I wouldn’t.” I know I haven’t always made the best decisions in my life, but I’ve learned from all the experiances and they have made me the person I am today. I’ve always said I like the person I am; I’m happy with myself. I also believe that if I were to go back and change one of my actions, not only would it change my life, it would change the lives of those around me. And who knows if things would really get better.

But lately i’ve been wondering. . . I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I remember when I was younger, sometime in grade school, I think, I made a plan for my life. I was going to graduate high school, spend 4 years in college, graduate, get a job, get married and have kids. I’m now 27 years old. When i made my plan i figured by this point in my life i would be married with a family and a job. Do I have that? No.

I didn’t really follow my plan. After high school I took a year and a half off. I lived at home and worked. Then I started college. College did not take 4 years, instead it took 6 and a half years. Now, this I wouldn’t change. I knew I needed to take some time off after high school, and I’m glad I spent so much time in college. I really enjoyed college. I took classes I didn’t need to take. I learned a lot. I made life long friends.

And then I graduated. Since then my life has not been what I expected or thought it would be. I did find a job after graduating. But it was not the right job for me. It was in education, but it wasn’t in my exact field. Shortly after starting the job i came to realize that I was not in my comfort zone for a variety of reasons. And so, I no longer have that job. Ultimately, I know this is for the best, and yet. . .

And yet I have become someone I am not sure of. I remember I used to be a very confident, secure, independent person. Now, simply put, I’m not sure of myself. I don’t feel confident. I worry that people, even those i know are my friends, won’t like me. I’m scared that I’m letting people down. I find myself clinging to the familiar just a little too much instead of enjoying life. I don’t really like the person I am right now. I don’t feel comfortable in my skin, in my life.

People ask me how I’m doing and most of the time i give the answer they want to hear. I don’t tell them all of this. I put on my happy face and pretend that everything is just fine. And really, it’s not. I have a part time job, the one I had before I graduate, but it’s not enough to make ends meet. I’m looking for other jobs. I’ve even had interviews, but so far, nothing has really come out of it. I know I’m going to have to move, and I’m fine with this, but I don’t know how I’m going to afford the move. I worry all the time.

I’m so scared that somewhere along the line I fucked things up. that I turned right when I should have turned left. That I had what I wanted, I had the life I dream of in my grasp, and instead of taking it, I threw it away. And I just don’t know how, or if, I can fix things. . .

I Believe. . .

Dawn sent me this and I thought I would share. Enjoy!

There are so many truths in this.
I believe- That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe- That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe- That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe- That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe- That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe- That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe- That you can keep going long after you can’t.
I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe- That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe- That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe- That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe- That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I believe- That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe- That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I believe- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Warm Wishes

Thoughts from the Radio

As I was driving home today I was listening to “To the Best of Our Knowledge.” Today’s program was about shopping. A few statements from the program stuck with me.

The first segment focused on shopping malls. Stores tend to be set up in a strong right hand fashion. Meaning that customers are drawn to their right, enticing people to pick up and then buy a total of 2/3rds more than they intended to. This makes some amount to sence to me. The majority of the population is right handed. They probably grab for things with their right hands. I however, am left handed and therefore see the world a bit differently at times. I wonder if this right hand orientation does not work as well with lefties. Or if we have just become so used to it that we don’t notice. . .

The third segment was an interview with Reverand Billy from The Church of Stop Shopping. The “church” is just as much a religion as it is a political action group. Two of the statements that the good reverand made 1) Nike has the word “revolution” trademarked and 2) Fox News has the word “god” copyrighted. Don’t you just love large corperations?